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精选爆笑英语段子


I want a nightmare 想做坏梦 Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.""Don't trust dreams, dear. I

t is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied."Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said. 在期末考试之前,汤姆告诉他的母亲: “妈妈,我昨天晚上做了一个梦,梦见我通过了今天 的考试。 ” “不要相信梦,亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。 ”妈妈答道。 “那么,我 真希望在今晚的梦中,我的其他功课都不及格。 ”汤姆说。 How to Become Rich 如何致富 Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month. 弟弟:我看见你亲我姐姐了,如果你不给我五分钱,我就告诉我爸。姐姐的男朋友:不要那 样做。给你五分钱。弟弟:我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了。

Lucky Mother 幸运的母亲 A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now? 一位年轻的母亲认为,世界上还有许多受饥饿的人,浪费食物真不应该。有天晚上,在安排 幼小的女儿睡觉之前,她给女儿喂夜宵。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油,但孩子说她不 喜欢这样吃。她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。母亲看了女儿几秒钟,随即说道,露茜,当我象 你一样小的时候,总是吃面包加黄油,或者面包加果酱,从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。 露茜看了母亲一会儿,眼中露出怜悯的神情,然后她柔声说:您现在能跟我们生活在一起难 道不感到高兴吗? A Gentle Reminder 委婉提醒 Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, "Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?" Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, "So, you want to switch seats?" 婚后已久, 我丈夫往往在一个特别事情上需要委婉的提醒。 在我们结婚 35 周年纪念的早上,

我们正坐在早餐桌旁,我暗示道: “亲爱的,你意识到我们在这两个相同的座位上已坐了整 整 35 年了吗?” 他放下报纸,眼睛直直地望着我: “因此,你想交换座位吗?”

一分一块钱 A dollar per point A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change. 一天,教授正在给学生们监考。他发下试卷,然后回到讲台前等待。 考试结束了,学生们纷纷交回试卷。教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票,还有一张纸条 写着: “一分一块钱。 ” 第二堂课,教授把试卷都发回学生们手中。其中一个学生不但得到了试卷还得到 64 块钱的 找零。

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