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高考英语写作句子结构优化


高考英语写作训练
之 句子结构的优化(上篇)

高考作文评分标准
? ? ?

第一档(1-6分)… 第二档(7-12分)… 第三档(13-18分)
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完成试题规定的部分任务。
?
? ? ? ?

虽漏掉一些内容,但覆盖部分主要内容; 应用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的要求; 有一些语法结构或词汇方面的错误,但不影响理解; 应用简单的语句间连接成分,使全文内容连贯; 整体而言,基本达到了预期写作的目的。

高考作文评分标准
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第四档(19-24分)
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完成试题规定的主要任务。
虽漏掉一两个次重点,但覆盖所有主要内容; ? 应用的语法结构和词组能满足任务的要求; ? 语法结构或词汇方面应用基本准确,些许错 误主要是因尝试较复杂语法结构或词汇所致; ? 应用简单的语句间连接成分,使全文结构紧 凑; ? 达到预期的写作目的。
?

高考作文评分标准
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第五档(25-30分)
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完成试题规定的全部任务。
覆盖所有内容要点; ? 应用了较多的语法结构和词汇; ? 语法结构或词汇方面有些许错误,但为尽量 使用较复杂结构或较高词汇所致;具备较强 的语言应用能力; ? 有效的使用了语句间的连接成分,使全文结 构紧凑; ? 完全达到了预期的写作目的。
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B340班绍兴市模考

最高分 21分 ?最低分 9分 ?平均分 14.2分
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加分点 句子结构的优化 ?使用高级词汇 ?语句间的连接
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句子结构的优化

Translation
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老师应该鼓励学生养成良好的习惯,不 要乱涂乱丢。(2011,浙江)
Teachers should encourage students to develop/ form good habits and better behave themselves, instead of scribbling and littering about. ? Students should be encouraged to develop/ form good habits and better behave themselves, instead of scribbling and littering about.
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被动语态
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老板警告我说,如果再迟到的话就要开除 我。
?

?

My boss warned me that if I were late again, he would fire me. I was warned that if I were late again, I would be fired.

?

浙江卫视将举办第二届中国好声音
? ?

Zhejiang Satellite TV is going to hold the 2nd Voice of China The 2nd Voice of China is going to be held in Zhejiang Satellite TV .
9

被动语态
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学校必须采取有效措施,来解决乱涂 和乱丢的问题(2011,浙江)
Our school must take effective measures to solve the problem of scribbling and littering. ? Effective measures must be taken to solve the problem of scribbling and littering on our campus.
?

10

Translation
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等到客人走了之后,桌上至少一半的 菜没有动过, 这是我没有想到的。
After all the guests got up and left, half of the dishes were left untouched, and this result was out of my expectation. ? After all the guests got up and left, half of the dishes were left untouched, which was out of my expectation.
?

定语从句
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人物介绍
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Take Abraham Lincoln, for example. He was born in a poor family, and only received a limited education.
(范文:2012, 浙江)

?

Take Abraham Lincoln, who was born in a poor family, for example. He only received a limited education, but …

定语从句
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Which 指代整个句子的意思
?

?

Yet through his painstaking effort, he changed not only his own fate but also the history of America. Even to this day, Lincoln is regarded as one of the most inspiring figures in the world. (范 文:2012, 浙江) Yet through his painstaking effort, he changed not only his own fate but also the history of America, which also made him one of the most inspiring figures in the world even to this day.

13

整合
?

Take Abraham Lincoln,

for example. He was born in a poor family, and only

received a limited education.

Yet through his painstaking effort, he changed not

only his own fate but also the history of America. Even to this day, Lincoln is regarded as one of the most inspiring figures in the world.
?

Take Abraham Lincoln, who was born in a poor family, for example. He only
received a limited education, but through his painstaking effort, he changed not only his own fate but also the history of America, which also made him one of the most inspiring figures in the world even to this day.

Translation
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她的失败都应该归咎于她的粗心大 意。 Her carelessness was to blame for her failure. ? It was her carelessness that was to blame for her failure.
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强调句
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It is/was …that…
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直到所有客人都离开的时候,我才知道 我的菜太多了。(绍兴模考,2013)
I didn’t realize that I had ordered to much food until all the guests got up and left. ? It was not until all the guests got up and left that I realized that I had ordered too much food.
?

?

Do强调一个动词
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我希望越来越多的人加入到这个光 盘行动当中来。(2012,绍兴模考)
I hope more and more people will take part in the Clear Your Plate Campaign. ? I do hope more and more people will take part in the Clear Your Plate Campaign.
?

Translation
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直到袁隆平的杂交水稻研制成功,人们取 笑他得声音才停下来。(2012, 浙江)
?

?

?

People didn’t stop teasing Yuan Longping until he had succeeded in his hybrid rice. Only after Yuan Longping had succeeded in his hybrid rice did people stop teasing him. Not until Yuan Longping had succeeded in his hybrid rice did people stop teasing him.

倒装
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否定词臵于句首(not, never, hardly/ seldom)
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我永远都不会再相信他的话。
? ?

I will never believe him again. Never will I believe him again.

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那些被抓到乱涂乱丢的同学不仅应该接受教育, 还要受到惩罚。(2011,浙江)
?

?

Those who are caught scribbling or littering should not only be scolded but also be punished. Not only should those who are caught scribbling or littering be scolded, but also they shoud be punished.

倒装
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Only +状语(从句)+部分倒装 ? 只有通过这样的方法,才能解决这样 的问题。
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Only in this way can you solve such a problem. Only after you lost it would you cherish it more.

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只有等到失去之后,你才会倍加珍惜。
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Translation
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父母所能够为我们做的终究是有限的, 所以学会如何独立解决生活中的困难 非常重要。 What our parents can do for us is always limited, thus it is of great significance for us to learn how to solve problems of our own.

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名词性从句
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What 引导的主/宾/表语从句
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最另大家感动的是,李越不顾炎热,为 班级采购歌咏比赛的服装。(2010, 浙江)
?

What moved the whole class most is that Li Yue went downtown to look for the costumes for the singing competition, regardless of the hot weather.

Challenge Yourself!

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I realized the importance of English when I entered senior high school.(强 调句)
It was when I entered senior high school that I realized the importance of English.

?

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They carried out a survey among 260 students.(被 动语态)
A survey was carried out among 260 students.

?

?

We can live a happier life only by this means.(倒装 )
Only by this means can we live a happier life.

?

?

He offered me a piece of advice that I should cheer up and start all over again. (what)
What he offered me was a piece of advice that I should cheer up and start all over again.

?

Improving


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