当前位置:首页 >> 高中作文 >>

GRE作文模板作文范文2


专业批改· 极速提分·就上极智批改网 (SMARTPIGAI) www.smartpigai.com

极智批改网 Smartpigai 批改范文

写作原题............................................................................................

.................................. 2 考生原文.............................................................................................................................. 3 批改过程.............................................................................................................................. 6 总评分数.............................................................................................................................. 8

专业批改· 极速提分· 就上极智批改网 (SMARTPIGAI)

本范文为粗批版,登陆极智批改网,享受最专业的外教批改服务 专属外教团队依据考试官方指南提供专业作文批改和口语批改服务 破解官方指南,还原打分标准。专业批改·极速提分·极智批改网

专业批改· 极速提分·就上极智批改网 (SMARTPIGAI) www.smartpigai.com

写作原题
The following appeared in a memorandum from the owner of Movies Galore, a chain of movie-rental stores. "Because of declining profits, we must reduce operating expenses at Movies Galore's ten movie-rental stores. Raising prices is not a good option, since we are famous for our low prices. Instead, we should reduce our operating hours. Last month our store in downtown Marston reduced its hours by closing at 6:00 p.m. rather than 9:00 p.m. and reduced its overall inventory by no longer stocking any DVD released more than five years ago. Since we have received very few customer complaints about these new policies, we should now adopt them at all other Movies Galore stores as our best strategies for improving profits." Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

本范文为粗批版,登陆极智批改网,享受最专业的外教批改服务 专属外教团队依据考试官方指南提供专业作文批改和口语批改服务 破解官方指南,还原打分标准。专业批改·极速提分·极智批改网

专业批改· 极速提分·就上极智批改网 (SMARTPIGAI) www.smartpigai.com

考生原文
In the memorandum, the owner of Movies Galore asserts that by reducing the business hours of movie-rental store and releasing old movies, the profits of the store will increase. The assertion seems strengthened by the fact that their store in downtown M who practices the reform has decreased its operating expense, but the connection between the fact and the final conclusion lacks necessary strength in logic and feasibility. The threshold problem with the argument is a questionable assumption that decreasing in operating expense will ensure a stop in profit decline. Unfortunately, the owner fails to consider and rule out factors that might account for the decline in profits other than the operating expense, such as, the inferior quality, the limited variety of movies provided by the store or just the no longer prosperous market in movie-rental business. Lacking more information to rule out other possibilities, it is impossible for the arguer to convince us that decline in profits will be stopped by the changes for reducing operating expense.

The owner unfairly equal reducing operating expense to increasing profits, however, from the fact presented, we only know that the store in downtown Marston is successful in reducing its operating expense. That is to say, perhaps, the store reduced its revenue and lost its customers at the same time it reduce its expense by shortening their business hour and abandoning movies more than five years ago. Or perhaps, customers complain about they close their store in ahead and express their disappointment when they cannot find some old films, which probably results in a profit lost in the future. Without specific information about the result brought by the reform, I cannot tenably evaluate the reform, let alone accept the changes or not. Even though the reform works well in their store in downtown
本范文为粗批版,登陆极智批改网,享受最专业的外教批改服务 专属外教团队依据考试官方指南提供专业作文批改和口语批改服务 破解官方指南,还原打分标准。专业批改·极速提分·极智批改网

专业批改· 极速提分·就上极智批改网 (SMARTPIGAI) www.smartpigai.com

Marston and successfully stop the decline in profit, the conclusion is still untenable unless the arguer provide evidence that these two store in indeed comparable. Perhaps, people live in downtown prefer to visit the movie-rental store before 6 pm while customers in Movie Galore is likely to rent movies after 6pm. Or perhaps, the people in Movies Galore incline to watch older movies rather than the new ones. Either scenario, if true, would cast considerable doubt on the argument’s conclusion that similar changes in their store can increase profits. The owner had better provide more sound evidences, perhaps by a further survey, that the store in downtown indeed make more profits by the way of reducing operating expense and that customers are satisfied with the changes. Otherwise, the evidences accomplish little toward supporting the owner’s suggestion to take the similar changes with the Store in downtown Marston.
[Word Account: 447] 447]

本范文为粗批版,登陆极智批改网,享受最专业的外教批改服务 专属外教团队依据考试官方指南提供专业作文批改和口语批改服务 破解官方指南,还原打分标准。专业批改·极速提分·极智批改网

专业批改· 极速提分·就上极智批改网 (SMARTPIGAI) www.smartpigai.com

专业批改·极速提分·就上极智批改网(SMARTPIGAI)
极智批改网(SMARTPIGAI)由专属外教团队依据各大考试官方指南为用户提 供专业的作文批改和口语批改服务。专属外教批改团队经过严格选拔与考核, 所 有批改外教对于官方批改标准的膜拜和遵守超乎想像。 极智批改网 (SMARTPIGAI) 专家团队深度分析破解官方指南,独创“作文九步批改法”和“ “口语四步批改 法” ,最大程度真实还原了出题机构的作文与口语批改过程。确保为用户提供最 专业的作文与口语批改服务,同时还为用户提供户个性化的“24 小时加急批改” 和“范文重写”等特色批改服务。

关注极智批改网(SMARTPIGAI)微博 获得最新备考信息。 http://e.weibo.com/smartpigai 关注极智批改网(SMARTPIGAI)微信 第一时间互动答疑。 微信号:smartpigai

本范文为粗批版,登陆极智批改网,享受最专业的外教批改服务 专属外教团队依据考试官方指南提供专业作文批改和口语批改服务 破解官方指南,还原打分标准。专业批改·极速提分·极智批改网

专业批改· 极速提分·就上极智批改网 (SMARTPIGAI) www.smartpigai.com

批改过程
In the memorandum In the memorandum above, the owner of Movies Galore asserts that by reducing the business hours of movie-rental store and releasing eliminating 1old movies, the profits of the store will increase. The assertion seems strengthened the argument is substantiated 2by the fact that their store in downtown M3 who practices the reform has decreased its operating expense, but the connection between the fact and the final conclusion lacks necessary strength in logic and feasibility. There is little correlation between this evidence and the argument presented. 4 The thresholdinitial5 problem with the argument is a questionable assumption that decreasing in operating expense will ensure a stop in profit decline. Unfortunately, the owner fails to consider and rule out factors that might account for the decline in profits other than the operating expense, such as, the inferior quality, the limited variety of movies provided by the store or just the no longer prosperous market in movie-rental business.6 Lacking more information to rule out other possibilities, it is impossible for the arguer to convince us the argument fails to convince the reader 7that decline in profits will be stopped by the changes for reducing operating expense.

1 2 3

4 5 6 7

选词不当 选词不当 缩写错误 I think you abbreviated "Marstong," here. See the attachment on abbreviations to give you a better idea of when you can and cannot abbreviate. 选词不当 选词不当 Your sentence is long, but clear. Good work: ) 选词不当

本范文为粗批版,登陆极智批改网,享受最专业的外教批改服务 专属外教团队依据考试官方指南提供专业作文批改和口语批改服务 破解官方指南,还原打分标准。专业批改·极速提分·极智批改网

专业批改· 极速提分·就上极智批改网 (SMARTPIGAI) www.smartpigai.com

The owner unfairly equal reducing operating expense to increasing profits, 8however, from the fact presented, we only know that the store in downtown Marston is successful in reducing its operating expense. That is to say, perhaps, the store reduced its revenue and lost its customers at the same time it reduce its expense by shortening their business hour and abandoning movies more than five years ago. Or perhaps, customers complain about they close their store in ahead and express their disappointment when they cannot find some old films, which probably results in a profit lost in the future. Without specific information about the result brought by the reform, I cannot tenably evaluate the reform, let alone accept the changes or not. decide on whether or not to accept the changes. Even though the reform worksed9 well in their store in downtown Marston and successfully stopped10 the decline in profit, the conclusion is still untenable11 unless the arguer provide evidence that these two store in indeed comparable.12 Perhaps, people live in downtown prefer to visit the movie-rental store before 6 pm while customers in Movie Galore is likely to rent movies after 6pm.13 Or perhaps, the people in Movies Galore incline to watch older movies rather than the new ones. Either scenario, if true, would cast considerable doubt on the argument’s conclusion that similar changes in their store can increase profits. The owner had better provide more sound evidences, perhaps by a further survey, that the store in downtown indeed make more profits by the way of reducing operating expense and that customers are satisfied with the changes. Otherwise, the evidences accomplishes14 little toward supporting the owner’s suggestion to take the similar changes with the
8

I'm not sure what you mean here. Do you mean that, "The owner also hastily assumes that reducing operating hours will increase profits."? 9 动词形式不当 10 动词形式不当 11 I wouldn't use this word as often as you do. 12 the conclusion is still far from reach. 13 (Sound analysis)分析合理 advice: Yea, that could be! 14 动词形式不当
本范文为粗批版,登陆极智批改网,享受最专业的外教批改服务 专属外教团队依据考试官方指南提供专业作文批改和口语批改服务 破解官方指南,还原打分标准。专业批改·极速提分·极智批改网

专业批改· 极速提分·就上极智批改网 (SMARTPIGAI) www.smartpigai.com

Store in downtown Marston.

本范文为粗批版,登陆极智批改网,享受最专业的外教批改服务 专属外教团队依据考试官方指南提供专业作文批改和口语批改服务 破解官方指南,还原打分标准。专业批改·极速提分·极智批改网

专业批改· 极速提分·就上极智批改网 (SMARTPIGAI) www.smartpigai.com

总评及分数
What’s up Julianna, Thanks for sending me your essay. I was reading it and noticed that there were a few things that you could improve on when writing: FORMATTING is the visual presentation of a document. Formatting ensures that the content of the document are consistent in appearance, purpose and order. In American English, there are two main style guides: MLA and Chicago Style. You are welcome to study those on your own but as far as testing is concerned I think you should focus on a couple simple rules: Indent every paragraph. Indentations are usually made up of five spaces. To indent you need to hit "tab" once before starting each paragraph. While working with electronics, however, please note that in some programs, applications, or websites, "tab" will not indent but instead bring you to the next field. In this case, remember that a "tab" is equal to 5 spaces. So, if you can't use "tab" to create an indentation, hit the "space" bar 5 times. You don’t always have to indent when writing but, in essay form, follow the rules set up in the style guides. That way, one day, when you’re ready to publish your work as a famous writer, you won’t have any problems! Line Space - You may consider inserting a space between each paragraph (hit "return" twice at the end of each paragraph). In your essay, you did this but between your second and third essay you have two spaces. This inconsistency is a little bit distracting and you should avoid it. The main reason why you should pay attention to formatting is that you can improve the visual quality of your work. By improving the visual quality you’re going to make it easier for your rater to read. This may be an advantage because an organized presentation can frame your strong skills and potentially earn you more points on the test. Now, lets talk a little bit about the actual writing. You had a number of different problems in your work but I’ve left notes for you in the text. The problems (missing words, poor choice of words) distract from your argument while other careless errors, like verb formation and so on distract from the reading. After you take care of the formatting and the minor details then we can further refine your work with more suggestions. 好好学习 and see you next time you’re on Smart Pigai ^_^ John

本范文为粗批版,登陆极智批改网,享受最专业的外教批改服务 专属外教团队依据考试官方指南提供专业作文批改和口语批改服务 破解官方指南,还原打分标准。专业批改·极速提分·极智批改网

专业批改· 极速提分·就上极智批改网 (SMARTPIGAI) www.smartpigai.com

Item

Explanation
Identify aspects of the argument and examine

Score(Full Score is 5)

Task Response 任务完成情况 them perceptively. 识别对立的观点、并能够深度论述 Organization & Structure 文章组织和结构 Ideas are organized logically, and connected with clear transitions. 论点组织符合逻辑、起承转合准确 Compelling and detailed support for the Development and reasoning, conveyed fluently and precisely. Details 论点扩展和细节运用 表达流畅准确 Command of the elements of Standard Written English, including grammar, word usage, Grammar 语法 spelling, and punctuation 能运用标准的书面英语,包括语法,词汇,拼写及标 点。 Effectively understand, analyze, and evaluate the argument, and clearly conveyed the Holistic assessment 整体评分 evaluation in a fluent manner. 准确理解对立的立场并加以分析和评价。表达清晰流 畅 Total Score(GRE Full Score is 6): 4 4 4 论证有力并且能够适当使用细节来支持自己的推理, 3 3 4

本范文为粗批版,登陆极智批改网,享受最专业的外教批改服务 专属外教团队依据考试官方指南提供专业作文批改和口语批改服务 破解官方指南,还原打分标准。专业批改·极速提分·极智批改网

专业批改· 极速提分·就上极智批改网 (SMARTPIGAI) www.smartpigai.com

专业批改·极速提分·就上极智批改网(SMARTPIGAI)
极智批改网(SMARTPIGAI)由专属外教团队依据各大考试官方指南为用户提 供专业的作文批改和口语批改服务。专属外教批改团队经过严格选拔与考核, 所 有批改外教对于官方批改标准的膜拜和遵守超乎想像。 极智批改网 (SMARTPIGAI) 专家团队深度分析破解官方指南,独创“作文九步批改法”和“ “口语四步批改 法” ,最大程度真实还原了出题机构的作文与口语批改过程。确保为用户提供最 专业的作文与口语批改服务,同时还为用户提供户个性化的“24 小时加急批改” 和“范文重写”等特色批改服务。

关注极智批改网(SMARTPIGAI)微博 获得最新备考信息。 http://e.weibo.com/smartpigai 关注极智批改网(SMARTPIGAI)微信 第一时间互动答疑。 微信号:smartpigai

本范文为粗批版,登陆极智批改网,享受最专业的外教批改服务 专属外教团队依据考试官方指南提供专业作文批改和口语批改服务 破解官方指南,还原打分标准。专业批改·极速提分·极智批改网


相关文章:
英语作文万能模板
而且精彩的辩论和结案陈词可能对 GRE 作 文或逻辑性多多少少有帮助哦。 常用...万能模板英语作文 7页 3下载券 四六级英语作文万能模板 22页 2下载券 喜欢...
GRE写作满分作文
GRE写作满分作文_英语考试_外语学习_教育专区。GRE作文是中国考生复习的难点,为了帮助广大GRE考生提高写作成绩,新通小编跟大家分享了一篇GRE满分范文,希望大家能从中...
GRE作文范例2
1财富值 GRE作文范文 48页 2财富值 GRE作文范例7 2页 1财富值 GRE作文范例8 6页 1财富值 GRE作文范例19 2页 1财富值如要投诉违规内容,请到百度文库投诉中心...
新GRE作文范文带译文 issue写作部分2_GRE写作
智课网 GRE 备考资料 新 GRE 作文范文带译文 issue 写作部分 2_GRE 写作GRE 作文复习,需要选择一些优秀的新 GRE 作文范文来当做复习材料,进行学习新 GRE ...
gre作文模板
gre作文模板_英语考试_外语学习_教育专区。the arguer illustrate that [main ...Besides, the writer takes it for granted that [fallacy 2].However, the ...
GRE满分范文(二)
GRE满分范文()_英语考试_外语学习_教育专区。GRE写作难度并不大,但是取得高分也不是轻而易举的事。新通教育为广大GRE考生准备了GRE写作高分范文,给同学们提供...
实用型gre写作模板值得拥有!
实用型gre写作模板值得拥有!_英语考试_外语学习_教育专区。很多考生在为gre作文备考时,都会准备gre写作模板来帮助复习,没有错,gre写作模板的确对我们的gre写 作...
新GRE作文 Argument 自创模版
GRE Argument 模版 GRE argument 作文大概可分为三个部分:开头、正文、结尾。对于不同的写作要求, 只需要在开头和结尾适当呼应即可。 Argument 中常用词可用同义词...
新GRE写作范文共享
GRE写作范文共享_高中作文_高中教育_教育专区。新 GRE 写作范文共享下面为大家搜集总结了一篇优秀的新 GRE 写作范文,供大家参考,希望对考生有所帮助。 GRE 写作...
GRE作文范文
GRE作文范文_英语考试_外语学习_教育专区。1. "There are two types of laws...2. "All nations should help support the development of a global university...
更多相关标签:
gre作文模板 | gre作文issue模板 | gre作文argument模板 | gre作文模板100篇 | gre作文模板 2016 | 新gre作文模板 | 英语作文模板及范文 | 六级作文模板 范文 |