Why Marriages Fail 1 These days so many marriages end in divorce that our most sacred vows no longer ring with truth. “Happily ever after” and “Till death do us part” are expressions that see
m on the way to becoming obsolete. Why has it become so hard for couples to stay together? What goes wrong? What has happened to us that close to one-half of all marriages are destined for the divorce courts? How could we have created a society in which 42 percent of out children will grow up in single-parent homes? Even though each broken marriage is unique, we can still find the common perils, the common causes for marital despair. Each marriage has crisis points and each marriage tests endurance, the capacity for both intimacy and change. Outside pressures such as job loss, illness, infertility, trouble with a child, care of aging parents and all the other plagues of life hit marriage the way hurricanes blast our shores. Some marriages survive these storms and others don’t. Marriages fail, however, not simply because of the outside weather but because the inner climate becomes too hot or too cold, too turbulent or too stupefying. 婚姻何以失败 安妮· 罗艾菲 如今，以离婚告终的婚姻如此之多，我们最神圣的誓约听上去都不再真实 了。“婚后永远幸福”和“直到死神将我们分开”这类话语似乎快过时了。夫妻长相 守何以变得如此困难？哪儿出了问题？我们到底怎么了， 竟然有差不多半数的婚 姻注定要为离婚走进法庭？有 42%的儿童将在单亲家庭中长大，我们怎么把社 会弄成这样了呢？虽然破裂的婚姻各有其独特的情况， 但我们还是能找到致使婚 姻无法维持下去的共同因素、共同原因。凡婚姻都有其危机时刻，都要经受对持 久力的考验，经受对既能亲密相处又善应对变化这种能力的考验。外部压力，如 失业、疾病、不育、抚育孩子、赡养年迈的父母，以及生活中其他种种烦恼，都
会如飓风横扫海岸那样对婚姻带来打击。有些婚姻经受住了这些风暴，有些则不 然。 但婚姻失败并不是简单地由外部天气造成的，而是由于内部气候变得过热或 过冷，变得过于狂暴或过于麻木造成的。 2 When we look at how we choose our partners and what expectations exist at the tender beginnings of romance, some of the reasons for disaster become quite clear. We all select with unconscious accuracy a mate who will recreate with us the emotional patterns of our first homes. Dr. Carl A. Whitaker, a marital therapist and emeritus professor of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin, explains, “From early childhood on, each of us carried models for marriage, femininity, masculinity, motherhood, fatherhood and all the other family roles.” Each of us falls in love with a mate who has qualities of our parents, who will help us rediscover both the psychological happiness and miseries of our past lives. We may think we have found a man unlike Dad, but then he turns to drink or drugs, or loses his job over and over again or sits silently in front of the TV just the way Dad did. A man may choose a woman who doesn’t like kids just like his mother or who gambles away the family savings just like his mother. Or he may choose a slender wife who seems unlike his obese mother but then turns out to have other addictions that destroy their mutual happiness. 如果我们来看一下自己如何挑选配偶，看一下在爱情最初的甜蜜阶段有着 怎样的期待， 婚姻触礁的一些原因便显而易见了。无意中我们都精确地选中了能 和我们一起重建我们第一个家庭的情感模式的伴侣。婚姻心理治疗专家、威斯康 星大学精神病学荣誉教授卡尔· A· 威塔科尔解释说：“从幼年起，我们每一个人心 里就对婚姻、女子气质、男子气质、为人母、为人父，以及其他各种家庭角色有 了自己的样板。”我们每一个人都爱上具有自己父母气质的伴侣，能帮助我们在 心理上重温以往生活中的欢乐与苦难的伴侣。 我们或许会以为自己找的男人与爸 爸不同，可是到头来，就像爸爸那样，他酗酒，或者吸毒，或者一次又一次失业，
或者就像爸爸那样一言不发地坐在电视机前。 男人或许会选择一个像自己母亲一 样不喜欢孩子的女人， 一个像自己母亲一样把家里的钱全都赌光的女人。或者他 会选择一个苗条的妻子， 与体态臃肿的母亲看上去似乎不一样，可结果发现那女 子有其他的嗜好，这就毁了双方的幸福。 3 A man and a woman bring to their marriage bed a blended concoction of conscious and unconscious memories of their parents’ lives together. The human way is to compulsively repeat and recreate the patterns of the past. Sigmund Freud so well described the unhappy design that many of us get trapped in: the unmet needs of childhood, the angry feelings left over from frustrations of long ago, the limits of trust and the recurrence of old fears. Once an individual senses this entrapment, there may follow a yearning to escape, and the result could be a broken, splintered marriage. 男女双方都把意识到的和未意识到的对父母共同生活的混杂记忆带上婚 床。人类总会不由自主地去重复并再现过去的生活模式。西格蒙德· 弗洛伊德入 木三分地描述了我们许多人所陷入的自设的不幸罗网：童年时期未能满足的欲 望，多年前的挫折留下的愤怒情绪，信任受到限制以及旧日恐惧的重现。一个人 一旦意识到自己陷入这样的困境，就可能渴望逃脱，其结果可能是婚姻破裂、分 崩离析。 4 Of course people can overcome the habits and attitudes that developed in childhood. We all have hidden strengths and amazing capacities for growth and creative change. Change, however, requires work—observing your part in a rotten pattern, bringing difficulties out into the open—and work runs counter to the basic myth of marriage: “When I wed this person all my problems will be over. I will have achieved success and I will become the center of life for this other person and this person will be my center, and we will mean everything to each other forever.” This myth, which every marriage relies on, is soon exposed. The coming of children, the pulls and tugs of their demands on affection and time, place a considerable strain on that
basic myth of meaning everything to each other, or merging together and solving all of life’s problems. 当然，人们能够改变童年时期养成的习惯和形成的看法。我们都有潜在的 活力，都有令人惊叹的能力使自己得以成长和创造性地变化。然而，变化需要有 所行动——观察自己在糟糕的模式中的作用， 公开遇到的难处——而行动却有悖 于关于婚姻的神话：“我与此人结了婚，我所有的烦恼就会烟消云散。到了那时 我算是获得成功了，我将成为此人生活的中心，此人也将成为我生活的中心，我 们将永远视对方为自己生活的全部。”这一维系所有婚姻的神话不久就被打破。 孩子降生了，需要有人爱、需要有人花时间照料，这些拖累在相当程度上打击了 那个说什么视对方为自己生活之全部， 或者说什么夫妇融为一体解决生活中所有 问题的神话。 5 Concern and tension about money take each partner away from the other. Obligations to demanding parents or still-depended-upon parents create further strain. Couples today must also deal with all the cultural changes brought on in recent years by the women’s movement and the sexual revolution. The altering of roles and the shifting of responsibilities have been extremely trying[ trying: difficult or annoying; hard to deal with] for many marriages. 对金钱的关心以及由金钱造成的紧张关系使夫妻产生隔阂。对苛求的父母 或仍需赡养的父母应尽的责任进一步加剧了紧张关系。如今，夫妻双方还必须应 对近几年来妇女解放运动和性革命所带来的各种文化变革。角色的改变、责任的 变更对相当一部分婚姻都是极其严峻的考验。 6 These and other realities of life erode the visions of marital bliss the way sandstorms eat at rock and the ocean nibbles away at the dunes. Those euphoric, grand feelings that accompany romantic love are really self-delusions, self-hypnotic dreams that enable us to forge a relationship. Real life, failure at work, disappointments, exhaustion, bad smells, bad colds and hard times all puncture the dream and leave us stranded with our mate, with our childhood patterns pushing us this way and that, with our unfulfilled expectations.
就像沙尘暴侵蚀岩石、海浪蚕食沙丘，这一切以及生活中其他现实问题逐 渐毁灭对幸福婚姻的幻想。 那些伴随着浪漫爱情而来的欣喜若狂的美妙感觉实际 上都是自我欺骗、自我催眠的梦幻，而这种自欺、这种梦幻使我们得以去缔结良 缘。现实生活、工作中的失败、失望、劳累、体臭、重感冒以及艰难时世都会打 破幻想， 使我们与配偶间的关系陷入困境，使我们面对以这种或那种方式左右我 们的儿时行为方式时毫无办法，使我们面对无法实现的种种期望时一筹莫展。 7 The struggle to survive in marriage requires adaptability, flexibility, genuine love and kindness and an imagination strong enough to feel what the other is feeling. Many marriages fall apart because either partner cannot imagine what the other wants or cannot communicate what he or she needs or feels. Anger builds until it erupts into a volcanic burst that buries the marriage in ash. 维系婚姻的努力要求有适应能力、灵活性、真挚的爱和亲切和善，还要有 足够强的想象力， 去感受对方的感情。许多婚姻破裂是因为男女双方都不能想像 对方需要什么，也不会表达自己的需要和感情。于是怒气越积越多，最后如火山 一样爆发出来，其灰烬终将婚姻埋葬。 8 It is not hard to see, therefore, how essential communication is for a good marriage. A man and a woman must be able to tell each other how they feel and why they feel the way they do; otherwise they will impose on each other roles and actions that lead to further unhappiness. In some cases, the communication patterns of childhood—of not talking, of talking too much, of not listening, of distrust and anger, or withdrawal—spill into the marriage and prevent a healthy exchange of thoughts and feelings. The answer is to set up new patterns of communication and intimacy. 所以，不难看出，婚姻要美满，交流是多么重要。不管是丈夫还是妻子， 必须能告诉对方他/她的感受，以及他/她为什么会有这种感受。不然的话，他们 就会把导致进一步不幸的角色和行为强加给对方。有时候，儿时的交流模式—— 不讲话、讲得太多、不听对方讲话、不信任、生气、与对方相处时的冷漠等——
会注入婚姻关系， 阻止健康的思想和感情交流。解决的办法是建立新的交流和亲 近模式。 9 At the same time, however, we must see each other as individuals. “To achieve a balance between separateness and closeness is one of the major psychological tasks of all human beings at every stage of life,” says Dr. Stuart Bartle, a psychiatrist at the New York University Medical Center. 然而与此同时，我们必须把对方看作是独立的个人。“在亲与疏之间取得平 衡是所有人在人生的每一个阶段都要遇到的主要心理任务之一，”纽约大学医学 中心的精神病学家斯图尔特· 巴特尔博士如是说。 10 If we sense from our mate a need for too much intimacy, we tend to push him or her away, fearing that we may lose our identities in the merging of marriage. One partner may suffocate the other partner in a childlike dependency. 如果我们意识到配偶要求过多的亲密，我们往往会将他/她推开，担心自己 会在融为一体的婚姻中失去自身独立性。 夫妻一方孩子般地依赖对方会使对方感 到透不过气来。 11 A good marriage means growing as a couple but also growing as individuals. This isn’t easy. Richard gives up his interest in carpentry because his wife, Helen, is jealous of the time he spends away from her. Karen quits her choir group because her husband dislikes the friends she makes there. Each pair clings to each other and are angry with each other as life closes in on them. This kind of marital balance is easily thrown as one or the other pulls away and divorce follows. 理想的婚姻意味着不但夫妻情感与日俱增，而且各自要作为独立的个人同 时发展。这不是件容易事。理查德放弃了对木工活的兴趣，因为妻子海伦对他撇 下自己心生嫉妒。 凯伦不去歌唱队了，因为她丈夫不喜欢她在歌唱队里的那些朋 友。每对夫妻都朝朝暮暮守在一起，当他们感受到生活的压力时，彼此就生对方 的气。当夫妻中任何一个不打算继续厮守时，这种婚姻平衡就很容易被打破，紧
接着便是离婚。 12 Sometimes people pretend that a new partner will solve the old problems. Most often extramarital sex destroys a marriage because it allows an artificial split between the good and the bad—the good is projected on the new partner and the bad is dumped on the head of the old. Dishonesty, hiding and cheating create walls between men and women. Infidelity is just a symptom of trouble. It is a symbolic complaint, a weapon of revenge, as well as an unraveler of closeness. Infidelity is often that proverbial last straw that sinks the camel to the ground. 有时人们自以为找个新伴侣就能解决老问题。婚外性关系常常破坏婚姻， 因为它使好与坏人为地分裂开来—— 好的记在新人名下，坏的倒在旧人头上。 不诚实、隐瞒、欺骗等行为在夫妻之间筑起屏障。不忠乃婚姻出现问题的症状。 不忠象征抗议，是复仇的武器，也是拆散亲密关系的工具。不忠行为常常成为谚 语中所说的把骆驼压垮的那最后一根稻草。 13 All right—marriage has always been difficult. Why then are we seeing so many divorces at this time? Yes, our modern social fabric is thin, and yes, the permissiveness of society has created unrealistic expectations and thrown the family into chaos. But divorce is so common because people today are unwilling to exercise the self-discipline that marriage requires. They expect easy joy, like the entertainment on TV, the thrill of a good party. 确实—— 婚姻从来就很难处理。那为什么偏偏如今会发生如此之多的离婚 呢？没错，我们现代的社会结构相当薄弱；没错，社会的宽容放任使人们产生了 不切实际的期望， 使家庭陷入混乱。但离婚如此普遍是因为今天的人们不愿意运 用婚姻所需的自我约束力。 他们希望不花力气就能过上悠闲愉快的日子，就像看 电视节目那么快乐，就像参加精彩的晚会那么兴奋。 14 Marriage takes some kind of sacrifice, not dreadful self-sacrifice of the soul, but some level of compromise. Some of one’s fantasies, some of one’s legitimate desires have to be given up for the value of
the marriage itself. “While all marital partners feel shackled at times it is they who really choose to make the marital ties into confining chains or supporting bonds,” says Dr. Whitaker. Marriage requires sexual, financial and emotional discipline. A man and a woman cannot follow every impulse, cannot allow themselves to stop growing or changing. 婚姻需要某种牺牲，不是那种可怕的刻骨铭心的自我牺牲，而是某种程度 上的妥协。为了婚姻，一个人不得不放弃某些幻想、某些合理的欲望。“每对夫 妻都会有时感到婚姻的束缚， 但恰恰正是他们自己决定把男婚女嫁变成束缚人的 羁绊或相互扶持的纽带的，”威塔科尔博士说。婚姻需要夫妻双方在性、经济、 情感等方面自律。 夫妻都不能一味凭冲动行事，不能听任自己停滞不前或不思改 变。 15 Divorce is not an evil act. Sometimes it provides salvation for people who have grown hopelessly apart or were frozen in patterns of pain or mutual unhappiness. Divorce can be, despite its initial devastation, like the first cut of the surgeon’s knife, a step toward new health and a good life. On the other hand, if the partners can stay past the breaking up of the romantic myths into the development of real love and intimacy, they have achieved a work as amazing as the greatest cathedrals of the world. Marriages that do not fail but improve, that persist despite imperfections, are not only rare these days but offer a wondrous shelter in which the face of our mutual humanity can safely show itself. 离婚并非邪恶的行动。 有时离婚能解救那些已经没有希望重归于好的夫妻，解救 那些深深陷入凄楚痛苦之中的夫妻。如同外科医生动的第一刀，离婚最初固然带 有破坏性，但那可能就是走向健康走向美好生活的必要一步。从另一方面来说， 如果夫妻双方能共同度过那些爱情神话破灭的危机， 进而培养真正的爱情与发展 亲密关系， 他们就完成了一项与世界上最宏伟的大教堂一样神奇的伟业。没有破 裂而是改善了的婚姻，不尽完美却长久维持着的婚姻，如今不仅弥足珍贵，而且
Going for Broke Matea Gold and David Ferrell 1 Rex Coile's life is a narrow box, so dark and confining he wonders how he got trapped inside, whether he'll ever get out. 孤注一掷 马泰娅·戈尔德 戴 维·费雷尔 雷克斯·科勒好像生活在一个狭窄的箱子里，伸手不见五指，空间又狭小， 他不知道自己是怎么陷进去的，也不知道自己还能不能走出来。 2 He never goes to the movies, never sees concerts, never lies on a sunny beach, never travels on vacation, never spends Christmas with his family. Instead, Rex shares floor space in cheap motels with other compulsive gamblers, comforting himself with delusional dreams of jackpots that will magically wipe away three decades of wreckage. He has lost his marriage, his home, his Cadillac, his clothes, his diamond ring. Not least of all, in the card clubs of Southern California, he has lost his pride. 他从不看电影，从不听音乐会，从不躺在沙滩上晒太阳，从不在假日去旅游， 从不和家人一起过圣诞节。 相反，雷克斯在廉价汽车旅馆和别的嗜赌成癖的赌徒 一起住，幻想着赢大钱，好魔术般地把 30 年的晦气厄运一扫而光。他失去了婚 姻，失去了家，失去了卡迪拉克牌轿车，失去了衣物和钻戒。尤其是，在南加州 的纸牌俱乐部，他还失去了自尊心。 3 Rex no longer feels sorry for himself, not after a 29-year losing streak that has left him scrounging for table scraps to feed his habit. Still, he agonizes over what he has become at 54 and what he might have been. 雷克斯不再为自己哀叹，他都输了 29 年了，输到了在赌桌上偷零钱以满足自己
嗜好的地步。尽管如此，他还是对自己 54 岁时的境况深感痛苦，对自己未能成 就可能会成就的事业而深感痛苦。 4 Articulate, intellectual, he talks about existential philosophy, the writings of
Camus and Sartre. He was once aneditor at Random House. His mind is so jam packed with tidbits about movies, television, baseball and history that card room regulars call him " Rex Trivia," a name he cherishes for the remnant of self-respect it gives him. "There's a lot of Rexes around these card rooms," he says in a whisper of resignation and sadness. 他能说会道，善于思考，喜谈存在主义哲学，谈加缪和萨特的作品。他曾是兰登 出版社的编辑。他脑子里装满有关电影、电视、棒球和历史的趣闻，因此那些纸 牌室的常客都叫他“趣闻大王雷克斯” ，他珍惜这个带给自己些许自尊的名字。 “这些纸牌室里有不少雷克斯， ”他无奈而又悲伤地低声说道。 5 And their numbers are soaring as gambling explodes across America, from the mega-resorts of Las Vegas to the gaming parlors of Indian reservations, from the riverboats along the Mississippi to the corner mini-marts selling lottery tickets. With nearly every state in the union now sanctioning some form of legalized gambling to raise revenues, evidence is mounting that society is paying a steep price, one that some researchers say must be confronted, if not reversed. 美国各地赌博盛行， 从拉斯维加斯的特大型度假胜地，到印第安人居留地的小 赌场，从密西西比河上的内河船，到街角处出售彩票的便利店，赌博随处可见， 因此赌徒人数正在剧增。 由于全国几乎每个州都批准某种合法化的赌博形式以增 加税收， 越来越多的事实表明， 整个社会正在付出巨大的代价， 不少研究者指出， 对此现象如果不能彻底改变，那就必须严肃面对。 6 Never before have bettors blown so much money — a whopping $50.9 billion last year — five times the amount lost in 1980. That's more than the public spent on movies, theme parks, recorded music and sporting events combined. A substantial share of those gambling losses — an estimated 30% to 40% — pours from the pockets and purses of chronic losers hooked on the adrenaline rush of risking their money, intoxicated by the fast action of gambling's incandescent world.
赌徒以前从来不曾花费如此多的赌金—— 去年的赌输金额高达 509 亿美元， 是 1980 年赌输金额的 5 倍，高出公众在电影、主题公园、唱片音乐以及运动项 目等方面的消费总额。输掉的赌金中有相当一部分—— 约占 30%－40%—— 是 从那些常输的赌徒的钱包里掏出来的，赌博带来的兴奋令他们入迷，瞬息万变的 赌博世界令他们如痴如醉。 7 Studies place the total number of compulsive gamblers at about 4.4 million, about equal to the nation's ranks of hard-core drug addicts. Another 11 million, known as problem gamblers, teeter on the verge. Since 1990, the number of Gamblers
Anonymous groups nationwide has doubled from about 600 to more than 1,200. 据研究，嗜赌成瘾者的总数约有 440 万，与美国毒瘾大的瘾君子的人数大致 相同。另有 1100 万所谓有问题的赌徒，已濒临深渊摇摇欲坠。自 1990 年以来， 全国戒赌组织的总数翻了一番，从 600 个上升到 1200 多个。 8 Compulsive gambling has been linked to child abuse, domestic violence, embezzlement, bogus insurance claims, bankruptcies, welfare fraud and a host of other social and criminal ills. The advent of Internet gambling could lure new legions into wagering beyond their means. 嗜赌成瘾总是与虐待儿童、家庭暴力、盗用钱款、伪造保险索赔、破产、福 利救济欺骗， 以及其他许多社会问题与犯罪行为联系在一起。网上赌博的出现会 诱使更多的人无节制地狂赌。 9 Every once in a while, a case is so egregious it makes headlines: A 10-day-old baby girl in South Carolina dies after being left for nearly seven hours in a hot car while her mother plays video poker. A suburban Chicago woman is so desperate for a bankroll to gamble that she allegedly suffocates her 7-week-old daughter 11 days after obtaining a $200,000 life-insurance policy on the baby. 每过一段时间， 总有一则令人震惊的案子成为头条社会新闻：南卡罗来纳州 一名出生 10 天的女婴被放在闷热的汽车里几乎达 7 个小时后死去，其间女婴的 母亲在电脑上打扑克。芝加哥郊区一名妇女急于觅得赌资，据说，她在为她出生 仅 7 周的女婴购买了 20 万美元的人寿保险后 11 天将其窒息致死。 10 Science has begun to uncover clues to compulsive gambling — genetic predispositions that involve chemical receptors in the brain, the same pleasure
pathways implicated in drug and alcohol addiction. But no amount of knowledge, no amount of enlightenment, makes the illness any less confounding, any less destructive. What the gamblers cannot understand about themselves is also well beyond the comprehension of family members, who struggle for normality in a world of deceit and madness. 科学研究开始揭示形成嗜赌成癖恶习的线索—— 与大脑中的化学感受器有 关的，即与嗜毒、嗜酒同一个快感途径有关的遗传特性。但无论对这一顽症有多 少了解有多少认识， 人们对它的困惑一点也没有减少，它的破坏性也一点也没有 减少。 赌徒不明白自己的地方也正是家人所难以理解的地方，他们在一个充满欺 骗与疯狂的世界中苦苦追求正常生活。 11 Money starts vanishing: $500 here, $200 there, $800 a couple of weeks later. Where is it? The answers come back vague, nonsensical. It's in the desk at work. A friend borrowed it. It got spent on family dinners, car repairs, loans to in-laws. Exasperated spouses play the sleuth, combing through pockets, wallets, purses, searching the car. Sometimes the incriminating evidence turns up — a racing form, lottery scratchers, a map to an Indian casino. Once the secret is uncovered, spouses usually fight the problem alone, bleeding inside, because the stories are too humiliating to share. 钱突然就不知去向：这里用了 500 美元，那儿花了 200 美元，两三个星期 之后又少了 800 美元。钱哪去了？回答很含糊，不知所云。在单位的办公桌抽屉 里。朋友借去了。家人聚餐花了，修车用了，借给姻亲了。怒不可遏的配偶充当 起侦探，把衣袋、皮夹子、钱包翻了个遍，还搜了汽车。有时犯罪证据会暴露— — 赛马小报、刮刮乐、去一家印第安赌场的地图。秘密一旦被揭穿，配偶通常 都单独面对问题，独自承受心头巨痛，因为这种事太丢人，没法跟别人说。 12 "Anybody who is living with a compulsive gambler is totally overwhelmed," says Tom Tucker, president of the California Council on Problem Gambling. "They're steeped in anger, resentment, depression, confusion. None of their personal efforts will ever stop a person from their addiction. And they don't really see any hope because compulsive gambling in general is such an under-recognized illness."
“与嗜赌成瘾者一起生活的人都会陷入绝望， ” 加利福尼亚问题赌博委员会 主任汤姆·塔克说。 “他们沉浸在愤怒、怨恨、沮丧、困惑之中。他们怎么苦心 规劝也无法使浪子回头。 他们真的看不到丝毫希望，因为人们通常并不真正懂得 嗜赌成瘾的严重性。 ” 13 One Los Angeles woman, whose husband's gambling was tearing at her sanity, says she slept with her fists so tightly clenched that her nails sliced into her palms. She had fantasies of death — first her own, thinking he'd feel sorry for her and stop gambling. Later, she harbored thoughts of turning her rage on her husband. She imagined getting a gun, hiding in the closet and blasting him out of her life. 一个洛杉矶妇女，由于丈夫嗜赌成瘾，自己几乎神经崩溃。她说自己晚上睡 觉时双手紧紧握成拳头，指甲把手掌都掐破了。她常常想到死—— 起初是想自 己去死，觉得他会为自己伤心，会戒赌。后来，她又想到把怒气转到丈夫身上。 她设想自己弄到一支枪，藏在壁橱里，一枪把他从自己的生活中扫出去。 14 "The hurt was so bad I think I would have pulled the trigger," she says. "There were times the pain was so much I thought being in jail, or being in the electric chair, would be less than this." “那种伤害太痛苦了，我想自己真的会扣动扳机， ”她说。 “有时真的痛苦 不堪，觉得哪怕坐牢、上电椅，也不至于那么痛苦。 ” 15 With drug or alcohol abusers, there is the hope of sobering up, an accomplishment in itself, no matter what problems may have accompanied their addictions. Compulsive gamblers often see no way to purge their urges when suffocating debts suggest only one answer: a hot streak (suicide?). David Phillips, a UC San Diego sociology professor, studied death records from 1982 to 1988 — before legalized gambling exploded across America — and found that people in Vegas, Atlantic City and other gambling meccas showed significantly higher suicide rates than people in non-gambling cities. 吸毒者或酗酒者尚有清醒起来的希望，不管他们的毒瘾、酒瘾造成了什么 麻烦， 会清醒起来本身就是一项成就。嗜赌成癖的赌徒高筑的债台意味着只有一 条出路：赢大奖(或自杀？)。这时，他们往往无法戒除赌瘾。加利福尼亚大学圣
地亚哥分校社会学教授戴维· 菲利普斯研究了 1982－1988 年间—— 合法赌博在 美国蔓延之前—— 的死亡档案，发现拉斯维加斯、大西洋城和其他赌城的居民 的自杀率明显高于没有赌场的城市的居民。 16 Rex Trivia is not about to kill himself, but like most compulsive gamblers, he occasionally thinks about it. Looking at him, it's hard to imagine he once had a promising future as a smart young New York book editor. His pale eyes are expressionless, his hair yellowish and brittle. In his fifties, his health is failing: emphysema, three lung collapses, a bad aorta, rotting teeth. 趣闻大王雷克斯尚未打算自杀，但和众多嗜赌成瘾的赌徒一样，偶尔他会闪 过这个念头。望着他，难以相信他曾经是一位前途无量、年轻聪颖的纽约书籍编 辑。他那灰色的双眸呆滞无神，淡黄的头发显得枯萎。才 50 多岁，健康状况已 经每况愈下：肺气肿、3 次肺萎陷、主动脉有问题，牙齿也损坏了。 17 His plunge has been so dizzying that at one point he agreed to aid another desperate gambler in a run of bank robberies — nine in all, throughout Los Angeles and Orange counties. When the FBI busted him in 1980, he had $50,000 in cash in a dresser drawer and $100,000 in traveler's checks in his refrigerator's vegetable crisper. Rex, who ended up doing a short stint in prison, hasn't seen that kind of money since. 他一直狂赌，结果走投无路，竟然答应协助另一个因绝望而不顾一切的赌徒 实施银行抢劫—— 在洛杉矶和桔县共抢了 9 家银行。1980 年联邦调查局逮捕他 时， 他五斗橱抽屉里有 50,000 美元现金， 还有 100,000 美元的旅行支票藏在冰箱 的蔬菜保鲜格内。 结果雷克斯在监狱服了一段时间刑，从此再也没见到过那么多 的钱了。 18 At 11 P. M. on a Tuesday night, with a bankroll of $55 — all he has — he is at a poker table in Gardena. With quick, nervous hands he stacks and unstacks his $1 chips. The stack dwindles. Down $30, he talks about leaving, getting some sleep. Midnight comes and goes. Rex starts winning. Three aces. Four threes. Chips pile up — $60, $70. "A shame to go when the cards are falling my way." He checks the time: "I'll go at 2. Win, lose or draw."
一个星期二晚上 11 点，他揣着 55 美元——这是他的全部家产—— 坐在了 加德纳的一张牌桌前。 他两手紧张地把那些 1 美元的筹码迅速地堆起又弄散。筹 码渐渐少了。到剩下 30 美元时，他说要走了，去睡一会儿。午夜稍纵即逝。雷 克斯开始赢了。 三张 A 牌， 四张 3 点。筹码多起来了—— 60 美元，70 美元。 “我 牌运那么好，怎么能走。 ”他看了看时间： “到 2 点就走，不管是输是赢还是平。 ” 19 Fate, kismet, luck — the cards keep falling. At 2 A. M., Rex is up $97. He stands, leaves his chips on the table and goes out for a smoke. In the darkness at the edge of the parking lot, he loiters with other regulars, debating with himself whether to grab a bus and quit. 命运，天命加牌运—— 一 路顺势。到了凌晨 2 点，雷克斯赢了 97 美元。 他站起身，把筹码留在桌上，出去抽烟。他在停车场边上黑暗的地方与别的常客 闲站着，心里盘算着要不要坐公共汽车回去算了。 20 "I should go back in there and cash in and get out of here," he says. "That's what I should do." “我该进去把筹码兑换成现金就离开这儿， ”他说。 “我该这么做。 ” 21 A long pause. Crushing out his cigarette, Rex turns and heads back inside. He has made his decision. 一阵长长的沉默。雷克斯摁灭烟蒂，转身走了进去。他作出了决定。 22 "A few more hands." “再玩几副。 ”
Grant and Lee Bruce Catton 1 When Ulysses S. Grant and Robert E. Lee met in the parlor of a modest house at Appomattox Court House, Virginia, on April 9, 1865, to work out the terms for the surrender of Lee's Army of Northern Virginia, a great chapter in American life came to a close, and a great new chapter began. 格兰特和李 布鲁斯· 卡顿 1865 年 4 月 9 日， 当尤利西兹· S· 格兰特和罗伯特· E· 李在弗吉尼亚州阿珀 马特科斯县城一所不太大的房子的客厅里会面， 商讨李所率的北弗吉尼亚军队投 降条件时，美国人生活中一个伟大的篇章结束了，一个崭新的重要篇章开始了。 2 These men were bringing the Civil War to its virtual finish. To be sure, other armies had yet to surrender, and for a few days the fugitive Confederate government would struggle desperately and vainly, trying to find some way to go on living now that its chief support was gone. But in effect it was all over when Grant and Lee signed the papers. And the little room where they wrote out the terms was the scene of one of the poignant, dramatic contrasts in American history. 此二人是在实质上终止内战。诚然，其他军队尚未投降，已失去主要支柱 的逃亡的邦联政府仍将绝望地徒然挣扎数日，想法寻觅生机。其实，在格兰特和 李签署文件之时， 一切都已结束。他们拟定投降条件时用的那间小客厅成了见证 美国史上强烈的戏剧性对照的场所。
3 They were two strong men, these oddly different generals, and they represented the strengths of two conflicting currents that, through them, had come into final collision. 这两位截然不同的将军都是强有力的人物，他们代表着两股相互冲突的力 量的潮流，那两股潮流通过他们最终发生碰撞。 4 Back of Robert E. Lee was the notion that the old aristocratic
concept might somehow survive and be dominant in American life. 罗伯特· E· 李所仰仗的信念是，古老的贵族观念或许能以某种方式继续存在 下去，并左右美国人的生活。 5 Lee was tidewater Virginia, and in his background were family, culture, and tradition... the age of chivalry transplanted to a New World which was making its own legends and its own myths. He embodied a way of life that had come down through the age of
knighthood and the English country squire. America was a land that was beginning all over again, dedicated to nothing much more complicated than the rather hazy belief that all men had equal rights and should have an equal chance in the world. In such a land Lee stood for the feeling that it was somehow of advantage to human society to have a pronounced inequality in the social structure. There should be a leisure class, backed by ownership of land; in turn, society itself should be keyed to the land as the chief source of wealth and influence. It would bring forth (according to this ideal) a class of men with a strong sense of obligation to the community; men who lived not to gain advantage for themselves, but to meet the solemn obligations which had been laid on them by the very fact that they were privileged. From them the country would get its leadership; to them it could look for the higher values — of thought, of conduct, of personal deportment — to give it strength and virtue.
李是弗吉尼亚州沿海低地人氏，他的生活背景是家庭、文化、传统……，是 被移植到这个正在形成自身的传说与神话的新世界的骑士时代。 他体现了从骑士 和英格兰乡绅时代流传下来的一种生活方式。美国是个一切从头开始的国度，信 奉的只不过是一种颇为模糊的信念，即人人拥有平等的权利，在世间应有平等的 机会，如此而已。在这样一个国度里，李代表着这样一种情感，即社会结构中保 留一种明显的不平等多少有利于人类社会。理应存在一个拥有土地的有闲阶级； 反过来，社会本身应以土地为本，视其为财富与势力的主要来源。（根据这一理 想） 这样一个社会会造就一个对社会有着强烈责任感的阶级，他们不是为自己获 利活着， 而是为了承担自己的特权所赋予的重大责任活着。国家从他们中觅得领 导人员；国家可依靠他们产生更加高尚的价值观念—— 思想方面的，行为方面 的，个人风度方面的—— 以求国兴德盛。 6 Lee embodied the noblest elements of this aristocratic ideal. Through him, the landed nobility justified itself. For four years, the Southern states had fought a desperate war to uphold the ideals for which Lee stood. In the end, it almost seemed as if the Confederacy fought for Lee; as if he himself was the Confederacy... the best thing that the way of life for which the Confederacy stood could ever have to offer. He had passed into legend before Appomattox. Thousands of
tired, underfed, poorly clothed Confederate soldiers, long since past the simple enthusiasm of the early days of the struggle, somehow considered Lee the symbol of everything for which they had been willing to die. But they could not quite put this feeling into words. If
the Lost Cause, sanctified by so much heroism and so many deaths, had a living justification, its justification was General Lee. 李体现了这一贵族理想的最高尚的部分。拥有土地的贵族通过他获得存在 的理由。四年间，南方各州拼死战斗，以捍卫李所代表的理想。到后来，南部邦 联似乎是为李而战；李本人似乎就是南部邦联……似乎是南部邦联所代表的生活 方式能提供的菁华。还在来到阿珀马特科斯之前，他已经成为传奇人物了。成千 上万疲于征战、 忍饥挨饿、 征衣褴褛的邦联士兵早已失去了战争伊始的单纯的热
情， 他们把李视作自己甘愿为之献身的一切的象征。 只是他们不善表述这种情感。 这一被无数英雄行为、 无数阵亡将士神圣化了的注定失败的事业若有其现实的理 由证明其是正确的话，那这理由就是李将军。 7 Grant, the son of a tanner on the Western frontier, was
everything Lee was not. He had come up the hard way and embodied nothing in particular except the eternal toughness and sinewy fiber of the men who grew up beyond the mountains. He was one of a body of men who owed reverence and obeisance to no one, who were self — reliant to a fault, who cared hardly anything for the past but who had a sharp eye for the future. 格兰特是西部边远地区一个制革工人的儿子，他与李截然不同。他历经艰 难才出人头地， 他并不代表哪种特别的信念，所体现的只是在边远山区长大的人 所具有的永远能吃苦耐劳、坚忍不拔的品质。他不敬畏任何人，不顺从任何人， 过分讲求自力更生，他不追怀既往，但能用敏锐的目光看未来。 8 These frontier men were the precise opposite of the tidewater aristocrats. Back of them, in the great surge that had taken people over the Alleghenies and into the opening Western country, there was a deep, implicit dissatisfaction with a past that had settled into
grooves. They stood for democracy, not from any reasoned conclusion about the proper ordering of human society, but simply because they had grown up in the middle of democracy and knew how it worked. Their society might have privileges, but they would be privileges each man had won for himself. Forms and patterns meant nothing. No man was born to anything, except perhaps to a chance to show how far he could rise. Life was competition. 这些西部边民与东部沿海低地的贵族恰恰相反。在他们的心目中，在爬过 阿勒格尼山脉、 进入辽阔的西部的人潮中，存在着对因循守旧的过去的不直接言 明的深深不满。 他们拥护民主制度，不是经缜密分析后推断出了适合人类社会的 管理形式，而仅仅是由于他们生长在民主政体之中，懂得民主制度如何运作。他
们的社会或许也存在特权， 但那是每个人自己赢得的特权。惯例与固有模式不起 任何作用。 也许除了都有一个可以展示自己有多少发展空间的机会外，没有人生 来就享有什么。生活就是竞争。 9 Yet along with this feeling had come a deep sense of belonging to a national community. The Westerner who developed a farm, opened a shop, or set up in business as a trader, could hope to prosper only as his own community prospered — and his community ran from the Atlantic to the Pacific and from Canada down to Mexico. If the land was settled, with towns and highways and accessible markets, he could better himself. He saw his fate in terms of the nation's own destiny. As its horizons expanded, so did his. He had, in other words,
an acute dollars-and-cents stake in the continued growth and development of his country. 然而，伴随着这种情感的是对国家的深深的归属感。那些开垦农场、开店 或从事贸易的西部人只有在所属的社会富起来时自己才有希望富起来—— 他们 所属的社会从大西洋一直到太平洋， 从加拿大一直到墨西哥。 如果人们前来定居， 建立起城镇、公路和近便的市场，他们自己也就能改善生活。他们从国家的命运 出发看自身的命运。 国家的疆域拓展了， 他们自身的天地也会随之拓展。 换言之， 他们的利益与国家的兴旺发达紧紧相连，息息相关。 10 And that, perhaps, is where the contrast between Grant and Lee becomes most striking. The Virginia aristocrat, inevitably, saw himself in relation to his own region. He lived in a static society which could endure almost anything except change. Instinctively, his first loyalty would go to the locality in which that society existed. He would fight to the limit of endurance to defend it, because in defending it he was defending everything that gave his own life its deepest meaning. 而这，或许正是格兰特与李之间最大差异之所在。那位弗吉尼亚贵族必然 要将自己与他生活的地区相联系。他生活在一个几乎容得一切，惟独容不得变化 的静止的社会里。出于天性，他的第一忠诚归于这一社会所在的地域。他会不惜
一切地捍卫自己的地域， 因为捍卫它， 也就是捍卫赋予他生命最深刻意义的一切。 11 The Westerner, on the other hand, would fight with an equal tenacity for the broader concept of society. He fought so because everything he lived by was tied to growth, expansion, and a constantly widening horizon. What he lived by would survive or fall with the nation itself. He could not possibly stand by unmoved in the face of an attempt to destroy the Union. He would combat it with everything he had, because he could only see it as an effort to cut the ground out from under his feet. 而西部人则以同样的执着捍卫自己更为开明的社会观。他为此而战，因为 他赖以为生的都与发展、 开拓以及不断拓宽的地平线密切相连。他所赖以为生的 一切与国家同存共亡。面对颠覆联邦的企图他不可能无动于衷，袖手旁观。他将 竭尽所能与之斗争，因为他只能将这一企图视为挖他墙脚的举动。 12 So Grant and Lee were in complete contrast, representing two diametrically opposed elements in American life. Grant was the modern man emerging; beyond him, ready to come on the stage,
was the great age of steel and machinery, of crowded cities and a restless burgeoning vitality. Lee might have ridden down from the old age of chivalry, lance in hand, silken banner fluttering over his head. Each man was the perfect champion of his cause, drawing both his strengths and his weaknesses from the people he led. 因此格兰特和李两人截然相反，代表着美国人生活中两种完全对立的要素。 格兰特是初露锋芒的现代人； 他身后准备登场的是钢铁和机器的伟大时代，是拥 挤的城市时代，是永不满足、欣欣向荣、生机勃勃的时代。李则手握长矛从古老 的骑士时代一路策马奔来，旌旗在头上飘扬。两人都是各自事业的杰出捍卫者， 从所率的民众中汲取长处，同时也承袭了他们的弱点。 13 Yet it was not all contrast, after all. Different as they were — in background, in personality, in underlying aspiration — these two great soldiers had much in common. Under everything else, they were
marvelous fighters. Furthermore, their fighting qualities were really very much alike. 然而， 存在于两人之间的也不完全是差异。 虽然他们很不一样—— 如背景、 个性、胸怀的抱负—— 但这两位杰出的军人却也有着许多的共同之处。最根本 的是，两人都是优秀的斗士。再者，两人在战场上显示出的品质也极为相似。 14 Each man had, to begin with, the great virtue of utter tenacity and fidelity. Grant fought his way down the Mississippi Valley in spite of acute personal discouragement and profound military handicaps. Lee hung on in the trenches at Petersburg after hope itself had died. In each man there was an indomitable quality... the born fighter's refusal to give up as long as he can still remain on his feet and lift his two fists. 首先，两人都具有极其顽强和忠诚的崇高品格。格兰特不顾巨大的个人伤 痛和重大的军事失利， 沿密西西比河流域一路打过来。李在完全丧失希望的情况 下死守彼得斯堡战壕。两人都具有一种百折不挠的个性……一种与生俱来的斗士 精神：一息尚存，就战斗到底。 15 Daring and resourcefulness they had, too; the ability to think faster and move faster than the enemy. These were the qualities which gave Lee the dazzling Chancellorsville 1and campaigns of Second Manassas and
won Vicksburg for Grant2.
两人还都既勇敢又足智多谋；都有比敌手思考敏捷、行动迅速的能力。正 是这些品质为李赢得了世人赞叹的第二次默纳塞斯战役和桑塞勒兹维尔战役， 为 格兰特赢得了维科斯堡大捷。 16 Lastly, and perhaps greatest of all, there was the ability, at the end, to turn quickly from war to peace once the fighting was over. Out of the way these two men behaved at Appomattox came the possibility of a peace of reconciliation. It was a possibility not wholly realized, in the years to come, but which did, in the end, help the two sections to become one nation again... after a war whose bitterness might have seemed to make such a reunion wholly impossible. No
part of either man's life became him more than the part he played in their brief meeting in the McLean house at Appomatox. Their behavior there put all succeeding generations of Americans in their debt. Two great Americans, Grant and Lee — very different, yet under everything very much alike. Their encounter at Appomattox was one of the great moments of American history. 最后，或许也是最重要的，是战事一旦结束，有能力迅速化干戈为玉帛。 两人在阿珀马特科斯的行事方式带来了和平修好的可能。 这一可能并没有在以后 的几年中完全成为现实， 但在经历了势不两立、恢复联邦似乎根本无望的战争之 后， 这一可能最终还是促使两大阵营重新合为一个国家。两人的生活中再没有比 在阿珀马特科斯马克莱恩住宅里的简短会面中所起的作用更能体现其个性了。 他 们当时这样做，一代又一代美国人都对他们感恩。两位杰出的美国人，格兰特和 李，如此不同，却又在几乎所有方面都如此相像。两人在阿珀马特科斯的会晤是 美国历史上一个辉煌的时刻。